Your mini guide to becoming the coolest Gangstarrr in school...

First of all, the appearance of a person tells others about their personality. You guessed it, dress like one. However, this is just the surface. You gotta behave like one....This mini-guide will start from the basics, so if you are one, you have to bear with it. There are areas you might want to polish in, so this guide would be useful to keep you on track.

-Dress like one
It's easy to get the clothes. Any one from the garbage will do.

-Give that 'look' all the time
What's the use of having the 'Gangster' like clothes and showing the innocent face all the time? Squinting your eyes or forcing your lower jaw to the front so that it will always be the first component of your body to be injured whenever you bump against the wall are just some of the many examples you might be interested to use.

-Speak vulgar language
Whenever you're not happy with something or somebody, just spout any random vulgarities that comes straight to your mind. After which, explain how is it related to whatever you said at the front. (There are some exceptions)

-Change the subject
It might not be needed if you refer to this guide but just in case you realise that you don't have the upper hand in the argument, change the subject. Talking about how weird his body parts are might do just the trick. If not, falsely accuse him in front of everybody else. Accuse him of anything will do. Wait for your opponent to say 'I DID NOT!' The moment he says that, he lose. You can talk about there's nothing to hide. It will get him all so angry he'll lose his temper and you'll have the advantage.

-Be multilingual
What is the use speaking in a language your target understands? Completely 'flatter' your opponent using a combination of English, Malay, Tamil, Mandarin, African, Japanese, French, Hebrew and Greek vulgarities. This way, he or she would realise how incapable they are (they can't speak that language) and stand in 'awe' of your pro-ness instead.

-Never give up
The simple rule-whenever you're stuck in an argument, never give up! You have to end up winning. Even if you're in the wrong, remember to be loath to admit your mistakes.

-Learn Judo
It's better if you do, if you can't, learning the arm lock is a must. Practise it so that you'll know how much strength to use. Make sure you are in control and at the same time not hurting the person while performing it. This way, it can be considered as self-defense and you'll get out of trouble, if not, lesser. Tip: It's better to do it on the ground instead of standing up.

-Read the Rule book carefully
Rules are meant to be broken. Everyone is expecting you to break them. The rules are for you. It's for you to break them. Study the student handbook carefully and make sure you break every single one of them. Be special. After all, it's to be the coolest.

-Don't follow the trend and stay ahead
Create your own. If everyone follows you by wearing 'pipepants' (the school calls them), change it. You're suppose to be different. Instead, invent something as stupid like wearing 'pipeshirts'. You'll be amazed how everyone starts being 'stupid'.

-Study your textbooks
What? Study? Yup, study! Study during the holidays before the new year starts. This way, you don't have to listen to the teacher. Work hard for two months and enjoy the rest of the year. It's worth it. Surprise your teacher by scoring full marks at one test and failing the other.

-.....

Well, that's all for this handout. Being the coolest is to be special. Just look at Albert Einstein. Okay, a nerd. But it's because he's special which lead him to be so successful right? He was kicked out of school anyway.
This is just a preview. If you wish to purchase the continued version, please call ********.


Mood: Sarcastic

Maths

The article below is false, and should not be taken seriously. It is intended as a joke.
Do not read just before any mathematics Exam.

Have you ever wondered what was the use of studying? Ya sure, we thought about that all the time...Haa..

A comment by a mad 'mathematician':

Introduction

Maths problems really are getting weirder and weirder so much that even the teachers are all stressed up so that just any number that appear would be sufficient to find out the number of umbrellas they bought. (Although no-one would bother buying umbrellaSSSSS unless they're doing investments) Furthermore, it's never worth solving it. There are so 'MUCH' of them that they have to number each problem just to change that 'MUCH' to 'MANY' without realising that these problems don't have a root.

Problems just keep adding up so much that the X axis never cuts the curve (undefined), and the gradient of the curve from (Q) to (inverted 8) seems to always be parallel to the Y-axis (Infinity). As expected, people start dividing and subtracting the total number of workload they have, while teachers got no choice but to add up and multiply the workload so that the percentage lost of homework done would always be in equilibrium.

Probability

For some strange reason, the probability of a student not doing well would be 99/100, although the probability of failing (When randomly choosing a number from 1-100) is only 1/2. Some teachers insist that the student roll an assumingly 'fair' 6-sided dice when the student does not do well, expecting the student to copy their test according to the number shown, giving the student hope that the probability of them copying would be 1 is to 6. By some circumstances unexplained by mathematical formulae alone, the seemingly 'fair' dice would tend to lean over to 6, and the probability of the student copying 6 times would be close to 1. Although the the probability of students actually copying would be close to 1, for some strange phenomenon, the probability of one actually copying would be 0.

Confused? Just a little? Never mind. Mathematics isn't always right.

If you actually calculate the probability of the student copying the test 6 times, it would be 99/100x6/6 =99/100 (estimated) or 99/100x6/6x0=0. However there is something missing. The probability of one copying once would be 1/2, twice would be 1/4, thrice would be 1/8, 1/16, 1/32 and 6 times would be 1/64 (0.015625%) {1/2^n}. Hence the probability of one would be 0, because any number multiplied by 0 would give 0, or 99/100x1/64=99/6400 - a very low percentage indeed. Even if you multiply the number by any other factors, the result would surely give a lower probability of the student doing the work. (Since multiplying a fraction with a fraction will always give a lower number than the bigger number, or otherwise not result in a increase of value). Mathematics isn't always right.

I am Christopher John Francis Boone's Brother, Son of my parents, Charlie Joe Francis Boone